Chaos, Anger, Ego and Masculinity

Arriving in Istanbul

I arrived in Istanbul via the airport from Singapore – Dubai two days ago.  We were rushed through customs – our passports stamped vigorously and onto collect our baggage and out into what seemed a chaotic rabble and instant overwhelm of the visual and auditory senses…100 or more tour operators holding up name plaques…calling out names Susan? Susan?…no I say shaking my head as I walk  up and down the line searching for my name…I am tired after the 14 hour flight…troubled by no arrival forms to fill out or baggage x-ray machines through the airport…wondering what that allows for in a most strategically placed importing trading centre where east meets west…

Back to concentrating on my transfer and I finally find the tour operator who finds the driver and the van for us after numerous questions, considerations and time…we are pleased to meet up with fellow Adeladian’s from Australia who are booked on the same cruise, their familiar greetings and wide smiles are a welcome sight in this caotic place they call Istanbul.

An hour later we finally get a seat in an “empty” huge as Mercedes van with a driver who did not communicate to us preferring to use his horn and mutter (obscenities I think) and hand gestures to other drivers.  I got disorientated because we seemed to go on motorways off motorways and around in circles a lot…I had my doubts that this guy new where our hotel was.

The beep, beeping continued as the traffic stalled and other vehicles seemed to do the same…then there was a continual sound of horns, mutterings and a BMW car pulls up gangster style in front of us preventing us from moving…he gets out of his car and strides angrily to the door of our driver, shouting as he goes moving his hands up and down, our driver responds…whoa so this is driving in Istanbul…the BMW driver is well dressed tall estimate around 30 years of age and oozing ego…our driver is maybe 60 years of age, and scruffy in appearance…I wonder where this is going?  After a couple of minutes of strong conversation the young guy walks back to his car and moves on, our driver is still muttering exclamations and shaking his head…and the congested three lane highway traffic continues on it’s crawl into the city.

Aziyade HotelFinally we reach our hotel, which I question as to is 4 stars but it is in the Old City and turns out to be a very comfortable, restful haven after walking these cobbled streets of old each day sightseeing and saying no to relentless traders!

There is an overabundance of male energy here, comparatively few woman are seen on the streets, in the shops selling I am not sure I have seen one!  Is that why there is chaos here, that they only can estimate as they “think” there is 12-15 million people in the city…houses and roads are built on top of and over others?

My own femininity masculinity balance feels threatened here, I err to the feminine way of letting Bruce speak, barter, purchase.   I have at felt a need to stand my ground – not in an obvious way – just a feeling you understand, my hand on my hip, turning one way or another to face full on in a symmetrical way…quite extraordinary really and a great topic of conversation for Bruce and I as we enjoy a relaxing coffee at the Faith Beledupsi cafe    Bruce has felt the need to step into his more masculine side.  We confirm that we are all just energy fields so why wouldn’t it be so to be noticing this here in Istanbul, especially so where east meets west and historically the city has been a major strategic point for many conquests, and trading prowess.

There is a need to give out more love to surround my being and impart some of that love to the city as a whole…it is in need of nurturing big time…where are the woman I ask?

A woman by the Sophia Moseque moves quietly out to meet me with a plastic container outstretched in her hand and I look in her eyes…I think of the money in my wallet, and a picture of Mary Magdalene comes to me.   I am immediately sorry for this woman who is over weight and on crutches, and with shame I shake my head and mutter no!  Instead I breath into my own heart space and think of her with as much love as I can…I see her later sitting against the wheel of a car on one of the steep climbs through the old town a baby is asleep in her arms and she quietly asks for money as I walk past…it is difficult to keep walking on past this time however I continue on thinking good thoughts for her, loving her for caring for her baby so well.  10 minutes on I start to limp a pain grips me from my groin to my knee as if I have sciatica again…I think on this and maybe it’s relatedness to the beggar and her one year old (maybe) child.  I surround myself in love and specifically send energy and breath into the pain in my body, lovingly dispersing the pain, and the misery from me.  Letting it go!

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